Humbled Husband

Entry: Daley_Files_005
Date: Wednesday
Location: [REDACTED]
Name: Sloane Daley

Subject: Humbled Husband

Sigh. Let me tell you something about Dexter J. Daley. He is relentless. His perseverance is something to be admired and feared. Did I mention he’s relentless? Do you think it matters that I’m his husband? No. No, it does not. 

Let me tell you about the day I spent as Joey Lawrence. It started when I woke up and opened the bathroom door. That first “Whoa” scared the shit out of me. I wasn’t awake enough to know what the hell was going on. 

Once I disregard the event as a figment of my imagination, I open my sock drawer and am assaulted by another Whoa. So I stand there, staring down at my pristinely folded socks organized by color–Dex’s doing, by the way, not mine–and I try to figure out what the hell is going on. Deciding I don’t want to know, I finish getting dressed, go downstairs, and head to the cabinet to get a mug for my coffee.

Yep. I open the cabinet, and Whoa. By this point, I just hang my head in defeat because I know exactly what’s going on, and, really, I brought this on myself. I wouldn’t have sympathy for me either. 

I open the car door. Whoa. I get to work and open the office door. Whoa. Oh, and it gets better. We’re in our shared office, and I get up to get some water, and suddenly music starts playing, and I’m wondering what the fuck is that? It sounds vaguely familiar. And then I put two and two together, see my husband silently snickering to himself, and realize it’s the theme song to Blossom. Ask me how I know that. The answer should be obvious.

So for the rest of the day, I feel like I’m a teenage girl in a 90s sitcom and am assaulted by Whoas at every turn. Was I surprised? Of course not. Had I been expecting it? Yes. Some form of retribution was expected. Was I mad? I’ve been with Dex for many years. No, I wasn’t, nor am I mad. I chose this fate. I chose it happily. 

Do I need revenge? No. And do you know why? I have an Ash, a Cael, and a Keane. All I have to do is sit back and wait until one of the three gets annoyed, and I have my vengeance without having to lift a finger. Life is good.

Sincerely,

Sloane Daley the Vanquished.
AKA Sloane the Defeated.
AKA Sloane the Humbled (by Dex’s Glory).
AKA Sloane, the Bringer Home of Donuts.

I can’t with this. Where do I log off this thing?

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