Name: Dexter J. Daley
Subject: Chirpy Cheetah.
I still can’t believe our little Chirpy is getting married. Seems like only yesterday he had a cheetah fuzzy mohawk and was chirping away. Fun fact. Cael has exactly 2000 spots. How do I know this? I counted them. When? I was seventeen and had been grounded for something that obviously had not been my fault, but whatever. Why? Because I was seventeen and bored.
So I was grounded and so, so bored, which always leads to genius ideas, like counting how many spots my cheetah Therian brother has. Of course, I had to come up with a way not to lose count because, oh my God, so many spots! So I took a pink marker and marked a line through them as I counted. Relax, it was washable. Not that my dad knew that when he saw Cael. Don’t let my dad’s “I never learned to smile” expression fool you. He has many expressions and went through several when he saw Cael.
My punishment was to give my little brother a bath and scrub off each of those pink-markered spots. And for those of you who think I got off easy, I say, oh ye of little cheetah Therian knowledge. Felid Therians love water. Everyone knows that. So imagine, if you will, a young cheetah Therian in a bathtub full of water–with bubbles, because baths didn’t happen without bubbles–and then imagine those furry long legs slapping the water and never staying still for a second.
By the end, there was no water left in the tub. What hadn’t landed on me was on the floor. But it doesn’t end there, my friends. As I kneeled in an inch of pink water, soaked from head to toe, I then had to dry Cael. Cheetah Therians may love water, but they hate hair dryers. Cael knew what was coming. He leaped out of the tub, over my head, and made a break for it. I scrambled to get up and fell several times on my way to the door. A high-speed chase ensued with a soaked cheetah Therian sending water drops flying everywhere, not to mention my soaked ass leaving a trail of pink water.
Now, who’s to blame here? If your answer isn’t my dad, you’d be wrong. Also, I originally counted 2001 spots, but one turned out to be a chocolate chip stuck to his fur.
Dexter J. Daley
AKA No, I didn’t eat the chocolate chip. What’s wrong with you?
AKA Yes, I had to clean up the bathroom and the rest of the house too.
AKA My genius goes unappreciated.