Hello all! For today's THIRDS Thursday, we have the man himself, Anthony Maddock to impart some wisdom on how to survive Destructive Delta. As you all know, being the adoptive father of one Dexter J. Daley and Cael Maddock has prepared Tony for a hell of a lot, both on and off the field. Life has thrown Tony all kinds of curve balls, but he is a man with nerves of steel. He's gotta be when raising two boys as prone to mischief and trouble as Dex and Cael. Besides being an awesome--and exceptionally patient--dad, Tony is also the sergeant for Destructive Delta. While many fellow sergeants in Unit Alpha are Therians, Tony is one of the few Human sergeants in Unit Alpha, seeing as how Lieutenant Sparks (a cougar Therian) had been hired by the THIRDS before he joined.
Being a Human sergeant for a team like Destructive Delta is not easy, especially when his sons are part of his team. It requires a lot of patience. Seriously, the man deserves a medal or five for what he's had to put up with over the years. Still, Tony manages to strike a balance between father and sergeant. He's a stern man, yet not even he is immune to his son's antics, and buried underneath all that gruff is a sharp wit he's not afraid to use.
Now, onto Maddock's Ten Tips for Surviving Destructive Delta. Take it away, Tony.
- Don't get involved in their love lives. That's just asking for trouble. It's tough, and at times I fail pretty bad, but they're big boys--in Hobb's case literally--so they can figure their own shit out. Okay, okay, so occasionally they might need a little pep talk, or in a certain lion Therian's case, a boot up the ass, but they get there. There's only so much you can do, and sweet Jesus, it's like one of those reality TV shows. Will he, won't he, what the hell is that fireman's name? Who the hell goes around letting people call him Dimples? Something's wrong with that boy. You never let my son nickname you. Ever. If you do, you deserve whatever you get. Just warning you now.
- For your own sanity, don't even think about telling Dex what to do. Unless it's an official order--and even then that's not a guarantee of compliance--that boy will do whatever he damn well pleases. Thirty-one years. I know what I'm talking about.
- Don't leave any boxes unattended. Trust me. You work in a department full of Felid Therians. Leaving a large box unattended is asking for trouble, and when you're coming up to the end of your rotation, the last thing you want to do is get some Felid Therian in their Therian form out of a damned box. Doesn't matter if their big, fat, cat ass doesn't fit, they will be wedged in there content as shit, and then it's up to you to try and get them out without losing a fucking limb. Sure, you could order someone else to do it, but by the time you hear the purring, your team is out the door so fast you think they were giving away free donuts in the canteen.
- Make peace with the fact something is going to fuck with your day. Whether it's a call to let you know that Dex is running through Sparta naked as the day he was born after pissing off Sloane while in his jaguar Therian form, or that you have three agents in the infirmary because they were stupid enough to challenge Ash and question his role in the bedroom. Of course if they're stupid enough to do that then I have no sympathy. Stupid is as stupid does. Hobbs will blow up something he shouldn't have. Calvin will lose his shit and break something that's not in the budget. Letty will scare some poor rookie into tears, and Rosa will be so pissed off with Ash that she all but burn your skin off when trying to tend to your cut. Oh, and someone will think it's funny to switch out Cael's hot chocolate for a mocha latte. That guy's cleaning the pool now. Permanently. Oh, and this just one day. Two weeks ago Tuesday, actually. I hope you have a good health insurance policy.
- Property Damage. There's no use even trying. You can talk until your blue in the face about the mayor breathing down your neck about property damage, it won't do shit. In fact, it's almost a guarantee something will blow up or spontaneously combust. It's like being in a fucking Michael Bay movie. And despite what Dex says, I do know movies. I just like to annoy him. Makes me feel like I have some balance in my life.
- Do not attempt to drive the BearCat. If Hobbs can't do it for some reason, let someone else do it unless absolutely necessary. Hell, let Dex drive the damn thing. Yeah, I just said that. Here's why. If you do, you'll do something wrong. Even if it's moving the damned rear-view mirror because you're not a seven foot tall tiger Therian. You will never hear the end of all the things you did wrong to his baby. I know what you're thinking, the guy doesn't talk. Let me tell you something about Ethan Hobbs, he doesn't have to use words to talk. You ever sit through a two hour PowerPoint presentation on the proper handling of a tactical vehicle? I don't mean handling the thing in the usual sense. I mean how to treat the thing like it was damned lover. Frankly, it disturbs me greatly. Consider me disturbed. You can't just drive the damn thing. Oh no. You have to be gentle. It's a damned truck. Not to him. And you can't just tell him to fuck off like you would Ash or Sloane. It would be like kicking a puppy. You're better off letting someone else drive.
- It's not okay. It's far from okay. Yet all you're hear is: I'm okay. Your team, which is made up of Humans and Therians all in their twenties and thirties have more baggage and emotional shit to deal with than a cheetah Therian has spots. Asking will do nothing. Trying to help will do nothing. Ignoring it will have you sprouting gray hairs by the dozens. There's no win/win situation here, kids. The only way through this is to deal with your own shit, and as long as they show up to work with their head in the game, then that's all you can hope for. Luckily, they have each other's backs, which is why I can afford to sit on the sidelines. Sometimes they just have to work shit out for themselves.
- Don't leave any food in your office. At least nothing you actually intend on eating at any point in time, because the moment you turn your back, it's gone. I don't think I need to tell you who's taken it. You got a wall safe. Use it. Don't rely on the vending machines unless you intend to take a trip down to one of the other units because in Unit Alpha, if it can be digested, it's gone by lunch time. You don't want to have to wait until the vending machine guy comes in. Yeah, there's the canteen, but sometimes you don't have time to wait for Dex to place his order and then have Sloane step in with his list of substitutions. As glad as I am that Sloane is attempting to change Dex's eating habits, I don't have time for his low-calorie, whole wheat, high fiber, egg-whites bullshit. I just want a damned Diet Coke and chocolate croissant.
- Pills. Lots of pills. Indigestion, headache, cold, flu, you name it. Have it in your office. Get a whole medicine cabinet. You're going to need it.
- A love for the job. At the end of the day, even when I want to kick their asses and send them to the corner for a time out, I love my job, and I love my team. Remember that phrase, because you're going to be repeating it several times a day. I love my team. I love my job. I love my team. I love my team. Good luck. You're going to need it.